riding the wave?

i like to be prepared.

for everything if possible.

i know, i know.. thats not really possible, but as much as i can be. i like to have my hw done on time, and i like to know how situations are gonna play out. i like to plan. i usually have a plan for almost everything. i think that if i look at a situation from all the angles, then there wont be any surprises. that way ill be prepared for whatever happens: good, bad or anywhere in between. this is a pretty good system for me and has worked out so far.

but what happens if you go the other way and just 'ride the wave;' see where life takes you? meaning: not have an agenda. i recently adopted this 'radical' way of thinking to apply to one area of my life- not like im throwing all my plans out the window, just see what happens with the one part. thats the point right? the excitement of not knowing where your gonna end up? i thought, 'maybe it will be a better system than my current one.. who knows until i try.'

but the thing about riding waves is that eventually a wave crashes. at the start of this quasi-experiment, that thought was non-existant to me bc if theres no plans, theres no expectations and no expectations equals no hurt. i was, after all, along for the ride.

in the beginning, the thrill of not knowing is what keeps you going. but as i sat back and let life run its course, i (being the planner that i am) started to feel overwhelmed, like i had no control over the direction things were going (very foreign to me) and surprises came from everywhere. if i dont already have a plan on how to react to something, i have to come up with something on the fly. this is very difficult (not to menion time consuming as hell) when youre trying to juggle a million things at once (see previous post).

i took a chance and i rode the wave to see where it led. now that my wave has crashed, im left standing in the surf wondering what the hell just happened. i thought the point of not planning things was to cut down on thinking, however EXACTLY the opposite happened. perhaps i expected too much. On one hand, expectations can inspire you, but then again, they can really let you down.

even though my experience with riding the wave failed, i am still glad i took the chance. i always welcome new opportunites to learn things about myself. after all, the only wasted experiences are the ones you dont learn from.



Truth is something you stumble into when you think you're going somewhere else. ~Jerry Garcia