Hindsight IS 20/20, after all

yikes.

its amazing what happens in a year and a half. seriously.

After being reminded that I even had a blog at one point, I'm surprised to see this thing still exists. I would've guessed they have time restrictions for inactivity. I guess not.

It was really odd reading my previous posts after unconsciously abandoning that mentality that I carried around with me for so long. Now that so much has changed (environment, goals, perspective, priorities etc.), I can (sort of) omnisciently evaluate the girl I used to be. And 'yikes' pretty much sums it up...

First of all, I have come to learn that planning is a complete waste of time (that was a hard one to learn btw). Almost every long term plan I've ever come up with has faltered at some point. (I guess the real issue there is control, but that's a diff post entirely.) I've come to the conclusion that devoting so much energy to creating a plan that probably wont follow through in the end is unproductive and ultimately futile. Everyone has heard the saying, 'life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.' yeah. I guess so.

Second, I am completely shocked to read between the lines of my old posts and recognize the outrageous level of naiveté. You know, I'm a lot of things, but naive.. definitely not. Or so I'd like to continue to think. I can look back at certain situations now, in which I so obviously played the role of 'Stupid Girl', yet had no idea at the time. wow. I guess you live and you learn. thank cod.

More than anything though, I'm surprised to see how far I've come since that last post. Without even realizing it, I've improved almost every aspect of my life in the short time of only 17 months. That's pretty sweet. Moving across the country has proved to be far more beneficial for me than I ever would have thought. Now that my goals have shifted and my perspective has been tweaked- I feel like I have some genuine direction for once.

half full or half empty?

i had my very first real job interview today. it went fabulous. i *probably* got the job.


why do i not sound pumped?


its in pittsburgh. im trying like hell to move to denver.




nothing is going according to my plan.

you sure do got a purty mouth..

frequency fest '06

im going to my very first festival this weekend!! 45 hours of non-stop music, 4 stages, 14 bands, 70+ djs-- all on a beautiful outdoor mountain top-- :D :D

its crazy i havent been to one before, considering who my friends have been for the last 4 or so years. i havent gone because im not usually down with the featured bands. jam bands are so not my thing- just end it already, damn. and festivals usually last a few days, so id have to sit through drawn out, 20+ minute solos for an entire weekend. yeah, ill pass on that every time.

however, this festival acutally has music im interested in. the boogie hustlers are one of my favorite bands and their gonna be there. plus jazzam (a superfun band) is gonna be there as well. i go see those bands anyway, and there gonna be at the same festival?? well, ill definitely go to this one :)

theres actually a stage called 'electromagnetic radiation stage' (!!!) how fun does that sound?! :)


oh im ready.... :)

backfire

i dont know what my problem is. seriously.

yesterday, i made my first ever- completely from scratch cake. and not just a plain old yellow cake. i made an angel food cake with a milk chocolate cream sauce. the occasion was a friends 21st birthday (he didnt know what i was up to)- and i was really excited to present him with the difficult cake that took me all day to bake. turns out, his mom made him one the night before. the exact same cake.

great.

i spent an entire day baking the most complicated thing ive ever attempted, and he already had one. i was soo dissapointed. did i mention hes going out of town in 2 days? whats he going to do with 2 of the same cakes? he liked it regardless, but i was still really upset. so upset in fact, i started to cry. wtf you ask? i dont know, your guess is as good as mine. i dont know what i was expecting, but definitley not that. i didnt see that 'duplicate cake' thing commin.

its just a cake, right?

then after that, all i wanted to do was forget about the whole damned thing, but the word 'cake' was everywhere. instance #1- my friend was parallel parking, and said, "in this tiny car, this should be a piece of cake." of all the phrases indicating something easily accomplished. why not, "easy as pie?" instance #2- i go to my friends apt and whats on the tv when i walk in? cakes everywhere. apparently the food network was running a special on ice cream and i just happened to walk in on the 5 min segment about cakes. god damnit. not to mention everyone i told about it before i started it asked me how it turned out.

its one of those things that happens when your thinking about something a lot- you notice it everywhere, but normally you wouldnt. for instance, remember when you were getting your braces off and it seemed like every commercial on tv was about teeth? well even if you didnt have braces, thats what happened. it seems like that happens fairly often, actually. it sucks. to be constantly reminded. ugh.



i still dont know why i got so upset. i did a nice thing for someone on their birthday- its the thought that counts anyway, right? plus, my cake came out FABULOUS (way better than i expected it to actually). at the very least- i learned how to make a complicated cake from scratch.


after all...


its just a cake.

tracks:

• ive got you under my skin- frank sinatra & bono
• never know- jack johnson
• fortune faded- RHCP
• italian leather sofa- cake (oh cod)
• way more- diplo
• swan dive- hed pe
• got no water- matisyahu

Aunte Mizzy

*Attention**

my sister- "hottie" Autie Lee -is 5 months away from being a mom!! the pic below shows my 12.43 week old (literally) neice/nephew in utero. im gonna be an aunte!! over the july 4th weekend, my sister, mom and i all went baby shopping for the new arrival. my mom has been buying baby stuff since before my sister announced her engagement in 2004, so while my sister has plenty of supplies already, i know my jananator isnt done yet. holy CRAP is there so much stuff for babies. there were 4 aisles of just home safety shit. i know absolutely nothing about babies/kids, so i pretty much meandered around babies 'r us bewildered.

hopefully ill catch on as she nears her jan 12th due date :)

i know, i know... its been a while since ive 'blogged' per se. ah well, consider this my official return from my hiatus.

well, as you can imagine, a lot has happened in the four months since my last update. first of all, i graduated college. that last semester was the hardest one EVER (hence the lack of blogging), so who ever said, 'senior year is the easiest' must have been a comm major, cause my shit was HARD. and now that im in the catergory of 'college graduate', i have entered the rat-race for entry level emplyoment. and it sucks. millions of ppl just like me are applying for the exact same jobs i am. you need experience to get a job, but cant get any experience unless you manage to get a job. its the catch-22 thats ruling my life. its frustrating beyond belief. and to make matters worse, my extremely part time job has recently been deleted from my daily routine. so i am up to my eyeballs in unemployment. no i didnt get fired (i dont get fired), the store in which i work has closed its doors with no notice. needless to say, i have been spicing up my resume and its now ready for immediate (and widespread) dispersal.

so, here i am: graduated, jobless, and STILL in california pennsylvania. what the hell am i still doing in this town you ask? good freaking question. since the job market in pennsylvania is 'oulook: not so good' (says my magic 8 ball), i have focused my energies elsewhere. i dont know for sure where im headed, but i have a few amorous prospects.

i think my real problem lies with my free schedule. i have had full time classes every single summer since i started college. my last summer off was when i graduated high school 4 years ago. now since i have no more classes, AND no (even part time) job, i find myself with a hell of a lot of free time. and for those of you who've read my previous posts, you know that lots of time equals lots of thinking. efficient people would use the over abundance of time to get shit done. i, however, seem to be driving myself crazy. i feel guilty when im just hangin out bc i could be getting my shit done: working on my resume, or studying for the MCATs in August (yes im still doing that). i have a wicked streak of laziness in my blood, and i think my biggest obstacle is trying to overcome my procrastination. meanwhile, the only things this summer was supossed to consist of was 1) find a job & 2) study for the MCATs. so while im actually on schedule, im beating myself up for enjoying my summer. i think i need a new hobby/activity to preoccupy myself. maybe ill take up chess or base jumping or whatever ppl do. any suggestions?

oh yeah, i also moved out of my cute apartment :( even though i have way more room now, my apt was home for the past 3 years and i was (and still am) sooo sad to leave it. my awesometacular fabulous roomate moved out a few weeks before our lease was up, so i was there alone in the remaining weeks. thats a bad combination for me: sad and alone. and despite begging and pleading, i was forced to stay by myself for the very last night (still pissed about that).

there is one thing i can say for this whole 'growing up' transition: I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it. this 'grace period' i have been given is like standing at crossroads. im not lost, i just need directions.

"To be nobody but yourself- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting." -e.e. cummings

Tracks:

• skew it on the bar-b, outkast
• back home, yellowcard
• big lost, diplo
• gone away, offspring
• shadowboxer, fiona apple